My emotions and learning of the truth of my paternal grandmother's death

It took me alot of courage to blog this entry. Everything that i am going to blog now is about my genuine feelings about the death of my paternal grandmother's death and was undisclosed thus far. I am a very selfish person, a few days before my birthday, i was using every wish that i am entitled to to wish that my mama lelo does not pass away on my birthday. To me, birthdays are always an important occasion such that i would celebrate it every year. I did not want my birthday to clash with my grandmother's death anniversary as i would know that my birthday would become invalid. I would perhaps not celebrate my birthday anymore... ... ... ... ... ...
My family and i arrived @ mama's pasir ris home early to receive mama from the hospital. Some of the relatives were already there waiting too. The atmosphere was terrible. Everyone was glooming, sad, exhausted, fearful. An atmosphere that i never enjoyed and would not want to anymore. Mama finally came as most of us rushed to her room. We were only allowed in the room for awhile as we had to keep the room 'air-free'. While idling, gong-gong asked his grandchildren(us) to fix a lamp and his children to hang something. Uncle Danny(my 3rd-uncle) helped to hang while he stood on a stool to reach out. Just then, slanting too much, he became off-balance and slipped. His forehead knocked a chair nearby. He suffered from abrasion on his forehead and had 2 go to the hospital. Maybe, that was a signal that mama-lelo might not make it. But @ that time, i still believed that she will pull thru as i've been told that she still had a month to live. We left early that evening(abt 8pm) as dad said 'we should have a birthday dinner for celine as we might not have time 2moro.' PS: a dinner that was never regarded as a birthday dinner to me... ... ... ... ...
The night had passed and it was the day of my birthday. 'The' call that i might have anticipated did not arrive, so i assumed that mama lelo pulled thru. That morning, i was still enjoying my coffee and tv programs and thinking of where 2 have fun with my friends, not knowing wat had happened. Suddenly, i received a call from my maternal grandmother asking whether i had visited mama lelo. I told her we were going to visit her tat night and celebrate my birthday. I could tell that she was shocked as she continued, "u noe ur mama die already?". My tears rolled down immediately as i slammed the phone, shout out for my maid and started calling my mother. "mummy, mama lelo pass away already(still sobbing) u know or not?" She replied "yes". Jus then my maid came in and seemed to be shocked that i knew the truth. I slammed the phone again as she continued explaining, "Celine, who tell you 1? Ma'am say tonight then tell u. Today is your birthday, ma'am wan u to enjoy 1st" Of course the typical celine would then lock herself in her room as she called for her best friends weilin and felicia. While waiting for her best friends, celine was crying bitterly. The maid was worried, the maternal grandmother(mama) was worried, the mother was worried, so was the brother(older). Feeling guilty that she told celine the truth beforehand, mama kept calling wanting to apologise but celine jus wouldnt answer or unlock the door. All she wanted to do was cry. Unexpectedly, the mother comes home, worried about the daughter. she explained, " Mama lelo passed away this morning. we did not want to let u know the truth bcoz ur brother(older) wanted u to have a happy birthday". We were all weeping. Jus then, felicia arrived and we went bac to my room. I continued crying, feeling guilty that were every1 is enduring the truth, i was enjoying my coffee. Later, lin came. Though with my best friends, i managed to calm down, it was tough. I never told this to any1 before, in my heart, i felt as though i was a jinx for mama lelo to pass away on my birthday. I knew every1 was hurting but all i could do was to 'act' brave to @ least take away the guilt they felt towards me... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
I would like to thank Felicia Lee and Ong weilin for that support that they've given me on that day. I really appreciate it and if it was not for them, i might suffer from depression. Thank you very very much!

Steven Gerrad, My autobiography

To me, reading this book is such an inspiration. It shows me the patriotism in Steven Gerrad. Since young, Steven Gerrad have been madly in love with soccer and most importantly, Liverpool Football Club(LFC). The death of his cousin due 2 an incident associated to the club did not stop Stevie G from his passion for soccer. Even when he knew he might get a toe amputated, he never gave up. Instead, his passion grew stronger each time. Finally, he was accepted @ the academy as a junior. He tried very hard and even made sacrification in order to to get to the 1st team. Though his best friend in the academy, Michael Owen, gt accepted, he never gave up. Soon, Stevie G was finally accepted 2 play as seniors. His potential was even noticed by 1st team. After trying for so hard, the manager then promoted stevie 2 the 1st team. Though he wasnt allowed 2 play a game 4 the club yet, but he was already contented(but of course wanted more). Stevie was doted by his seniors as they gave him advices and of course willing to practise with him. Eventually, he was able to be on the 1st team with his seniors and was highly rated by the club's manager, coach and seniors. Other big clubs like man.u and chelsea even wanted 'buy' him. However, the patriotism tat he had for the club was too strong for him 2 even consider switching clubs. Soon, the played for the club as a substitute and was even given nods of appraisals. He was then called for national duties to play for England. Stevie G was of course delighted! He wanted to prove badly tat he was worth the spot the England team. While mixing with the england lads, stevie was very popular. Most of the lads tat were nt from Liverpool were convincing Stevie to join their football club but mostly to no avail. Stevie was improving each time, but LFC was not. Finally, the lack of trophy caused him to consider about his future in LFC. It was then when LFC's abilities was stretched. With a 'must-win' mentality, Stevie along with the other LFC's lad led LFC to their win or the FA cup, etc(2 other but dun remember) all within the same season. LFC was brought to 'life' by these lads. What were they looking for now? The Champions League Trophy. Though being looked down as a club, the LFC's lads worked extremely hard for the spot in the finals. By then, Stevie G was the captain for the club. They were matched up against AC Milan Football Club away from home. Liverpool was 3-0 down during half-time. Most of the lads were already demoralised during the break. However, the captain, along with some LFC staffs did not gave up. Instead, they encouraged the team to buck, the game was not over yet. The dream tat all Liverpool supporters, staffs, legends and players ain't going to die down yet. The liverpool supporters tat were present @ the match had not given up hope yet. All the encouragement was like a potion to players as they braced up and bounced back into the match. Soon, Stevie G scored their 1st goal and was narrowed down to 3-1 down. This goal provided much motivation to the rest to do better. As the match continues, the 2nd goal came rolling in. As the final whistle was nearing, the Liverpool players gave all they can and earned a penalty kick which delivered by Xabi Alonso. Indeed, the 3rd goal was scored and Liverpool 'survived' with a 2nd chance to win the battle. It was then down to the penalties to determine the winning side. Even so, the motivation was too high as compared to the Milan side. Pepe Reina saved a couple of goals and it was down to Finnan's kick to give Liverpool the trophy. Finnan produced an untouchable kick and gave the merseyside the win. All hell's broke out as every1 associated to LFC went berserk. In was the club's 5th club but it was the 1st in 5 years. The victory meant so much to Stevie G as he lifted the trophy. The sweat, blood, hardwork, everything that he have worked for have finally paid off...
Even now, other clubs like Real Madrid, Man.U, Chelsea and Man.city are still after him but are aware that it is impossible for Stevie G to shake. Even money is unable to lure him away. Stevie G is a very much respected player all around the world. His patrioticsm for the club is commendable. He also hope that is able to serve the club throughtout the rest of his life. I wish the best of luck to him and his family!

US Open review 2009

This year's US open i did not really had the the time 2 watch or catch some live matches as it clashes on my grandmother's wake as well as my birthday. I was able 2 catch it on the 2nd week though. This year, the women's tennis consisting mainly of Kim Clijsters, Serena Williams, Dinara Safina, Maria Sharapova, Caroline Wozniacki, Melanie Oudin and Yanina Wickmayer was the topics the tournament. However, i will start off with my Simon's report. Simon started of pretty well in the tournament winning in straight sets for his 1st few matches. In the 3rd round match, he was up against Juan Carlos Ferrero(the 1 whom he lost 2 @ wimbledon). Simon had a great start, winning 6-2 in the 1st set. He lost the 2nd set though. Then, he was up a break of serve and was soon serving 4 the 3rd set. However, his knees begin hindering his play. The tendonities on his knees cost him his foot speed(most crucial in his games) and shots that he is able 2 go for. Soon, simon was forced 2 the 3rd set tiebreak, whereby simon was really struggling 2 walk. After losing the 3rd set tiebreak, Simon was forced 2 retire. He played really well but it was his knees that disappointed him. The men's side was pretty disappointing with Andy Murray(lost to Marin Cilic), Andy Roddick(lost to John Isner) and Novak Djokovic(lost to Del Porto) booted out early in the tournament. The only surprise was perhaps the youngster Juan Martin Del Porto claiming the tournament. However, the women's side provided some roller coaster matches. Dinara Safina was discarded early in the tournament by a qualifier. Elena Dementieva and Maria Sharapova was both brought down by the young American, Melanie Oudin in 3 sets durind round 2 and 3 respectively. Then, between the battle of the youngsters, Caroline Wozniacki ended Oudin's dream run @ the US open to reach the semis where she would face Yanina Wickmayer. Wickmayer(also a teenager) was also a qualifier and shocked every1 by reaching the semis. However, it was Wozniacki who took the match away and became the 1st Dane ever 2 reach a grand slam final. On the other side of the draw, comeback queen Kim Clijsters overcame 3rd seed Venus Williams and China's no.1 Li Na, to reach the semis where she will face no.2 seed n hot fav. Serena Williams. After a tough battle, Kim took the 1st set. The 2nd set proved 2 be the more crucial set for Serena. While serving @ 4-6 5-6, 15-30, Serena was foot faulted by a line judge which caused her a point to be down 15-40, down match point. Serena was unconvinced by the call and started venting anger on the line judge, whereby line judge was called upon the empire as well as the tournament directors. When confirmed tat Serena had threatened her, Serena was then defaulted a point for a series of misconducts (e 1st was the smashing of racket) and Kim won the match. Later, Serena was fined for misconduct. Kim Clijsters was thru to the semi and would face Caroline Wozniacki, also she became the 1st mum 2 reach a grand slam final since Evonne Gulagong. During the finals, both women exchanged early breaks but it was Kim who took the 1st set. The 2nd set proved to be a tough 1 for Kim as she gave Caroline a chance to serve for the 2nd set. However, Kim bounced back strongly as she took the next 3 games to win the tournament. The emotional Kim immediately fell to the ground before going for the handshake. There was it, the comeback mum claiming the title after only her 3rd tournament since announcing her comeback. The emotional Kim went on to show her appreciation to her husband and daughter, Jada. Every1 was happy for the family. This provided a happy ending to the tournament.
Let's all hope that Simon has better luck next year and mayb try 2 win a slam!

monica seles

Monica Seles, my autobiography
I've read tiz book a long time ago but it's still isn't too late 2 blog it...I have to say, monica seles's book have touched me the most among all the non-fiction books i've read thus far. This is also the reason why i've begin to enjoy reading auto/biographies, the emotion that each player have felt n the different types of route n hardwork each player have put in etc, is closer to the heart as it a real-life story compared 2 those fiction stories tat r mostly fantasies. Biographies r more direct. Back to the mainpoint, the highlight of Monica's career was the stabbing, which is what she is famous for and how i got 2 noe her. Monica started playin tennis @ a very young age. Though many people doubted her abilities due 2 her unique 2-handed back n forehand along with her disturbing screams she make each time she wacks a ball, she persisted. Monica's persistance brought her good. She won her 1st grand slam @ e age of only 15(maybe 16, dun quite remember) years old. This victory boosted her rankings. Soon, she held the no.1 spot. Her competition, Steffi Graf. Steffi Graf was also playing very well during Monica's time. She too won some grand slam titles. For a period of time, Monica and steffi were exchanging the no.1 rankings. However, the worst day of monica's life was approaching. Monica was playing a tournament in Hamburg, Germany, during a semi-final match against Jennifer Capriati. Both girls were having a break after a game when the empire called 'time' and play was to be resumed. While Monica was walking towards the baseline, a male audience, Parche, went around her back and stabbed her @ her shoulder back. All tournament helpers immediately went to her rescue b4 parche went 2 stab monica a 2nd time. Monica immediately fell in coma. The incident had caused her her tennis career and most importantly, scars that took too long to recover. Later, it had been told that parche stabbed monica because he was too obessed with steffi and wanted steffi to retain the no.1 ranking. All these could happen only if monica 'disapeared'. Indeed, after monica 'retired' steffi held the no.1 ranking for a very long period of time and became one of the most successful female tennis player. Worst of all, Parche was charged with only 1 day in jail. Monica had a really hard time cooping with life the stabbing incident she consistantly suffered nightmares and binges, she even had to shun paparazzi. Life was chaotic for monica. None of the female athletes backed her up. she lost her rankings and went behind the scenes for almost 2 years. When she was finally brave enough 2 take up the sport as a pro, she did nt play as well as she used 2. She was winning many slams before but after her recovery, she only won 1. Soon, she retired officialy.
My evaluation: Monica was a very very successful tennis player b4 the stabbing incident. She could be more successful in her career if nt for the incident. I personally feel that it is very very unfair 4 people 2 praise steffi graf as without the 'help' of the obsessed parche, she would nt have won tat much titles as she would face Monica's contention. I feel unjust for Monica. She could be 1 of the most successful female athlete in history if not 4 the mishaps. I really hope that Monica's life will only get better each time.

Mama lelo

Remembering my beloved paternal grandmother
We used 2 call her mama lelo. Come 2 think of it, her name has been created when we were young but not frm birth. From young, whenever we visit her @ her pasir ris home, and whenever we called out 2 her, she would always say 'mama lai lo' (in chi: mama is coming). As we had 2 grandmothers in which we both called them mama, whenever both grandmothers met, they would find it confusing. Since then, we started calling her 'mama lai lo' but as our chinese wasnt proficient when we were young, we pronounced it as mama lelo or even mama yellow. In the end, we settled 4 mama lelo. When we were young, we used 2 visit her house every sunday and lunch there along with my relatives and cousins. Whenever we visit, my grandfather would be the 1 opening e door 4 us while we rushed in 2 greet her, always finding her in the kitchen. She would then prepare lunch 4 us. After lunch, the children will settle down in the playroom while the adults will go 2 e masterbed room 4 a chat. Mama lelo will then bring in several plates of fruits. It seems as though her work is never ending. Sometimes, the children(us) will be brought down 2 the playground. Then, mama lelo will bring down some cold beverages for the sweating grandchildren. Towards the evening, our parents would fetch us home(we dreaded it the most as we had sch the next days). After bidding her goodbye, we'd hopped on 2 our parents' car. We practiced this every week until we started secondary sch.
Seriously, i really pity mama lelo, 4 all her life, she had 2 put up with my grandfather(aka white colour gong gong). My grandfather was well known 4 his foul temper, not even his children can stand him 4 very long. she then had 2 move from 1 place 2 another, one child's hs to another 2 avoid my grandfather. After she was diagnosed with her cancer, her children decided 2 settle her in my hs permanentely until her cancer has been treated. Indeed, in terms of environment and people,my hs was e most suitable 1. Ever since mama stayed in my hs, i was closer 2 her then b4. To be continued...

Rachel's back

The 1st friday we spent 2gether:
We've arranged 4 chel 2 cum 2 my hs in the morning since i'm skipping csa. Also, since both chel n feli were stayin over @ my hs hs that nite, we've decided that chel cums 2 my hs 1st 2 leave her clothings while we wait 4 feli 2 cum n leave her htings @ my hs after her sch b4 waiting 4 lin 2 call 2 lunch 2gether. Lin took longer than we've expected(as usual).So, we've contempted 2 jus laze around in my room with sum air-con(we've took sum nice fotos though). We were famished by the time lin called. We then decided 2 go 2 iluma 2 get our movie tickets 1st b4 meeting her @ our favourite/must go eating place: Seoul Garden @ bugis junction! We rushed 4 e food n quickly filled our stomachs. Surprisingly, the naughty rachel started 2 'whip up' her own dish(video is available which will b uploaded later, damn funny!). She started 2 'cook' leftover/unwanted food on the hotplate with fried rice, she even poured sum FnN grape into her 'dish'. Worst still, she even tasted her 'dish' (Yewwwwwwwwwwww, Yucksssssssssssssssss). But she still enjoyed the 'dish' very much. Unbelieveable!The 3 of us then kept making fun of her. We were bloated by the end of the buffet. We had 2 even rush 4 our movie, UP(3D version). The show quite hilarious and enjoyable overall 4 us. The cinema too had only a few people which enabled us 2 relax more. By the time our show ended it was quite late @ nite. Lin took a ride from her mum's her while chel, feli n i went back 2 bugis junction 2 get some snacks 4 our 'overnite' party. We reached home @ around 10.30pm and begun our 'party'. Firstly, we indulge(sry, dun remember hw 2 spell) ourselves in sushi and ice cream soda and @ the mean time watch the 'you're my destiny'. After that, when i started 2 bcome sleepy, chel and feli went 2 play wii. I dun really noe wat time they played until but i was the 1st 2 'knock out'. i didnt have enough stamina 2 last thru e whole nite.

My best friend, Rachel Lee

My best friend, Rachel Lee (blogging from my grandma's funeral)
One of my best friend, rachel, was back in Singapore for 2 weeks. I was very very excited when the day was approaching. I have missed her so so so much ever since she went over to study in UK. Recalling the day that we sent her off seems kinda funny to me. After sending her off, feli and i went to the overhead bridge outside the library to 'let-out'. Feli cried and screamed @ the same time, was kinda funny 2 me (it was those type of 'exaggerting cry'. Luckily it was early in the morning and i think feli and i were the only ones there. hahahahahahha was all i could express @ that time. Even though i was utterly sad that my best friend had left the country, but feli's cry was too funny for me 2 stop crying and laugh @ her (sry feli). haha.
So then, i was counting down to the day rachel was cuming back to SG. The night b4 we were still chatting online and she told me that she could only stay 4 a week due 2 accomodation problems. That really freaked me out. We've planned so many things 2 do 2gether, worst still she was due here during my exam period. Thankfully later she called again and told me that the problem had been solved and she was still going 2 stay 4 2weeks. Finally the day had arrived, Feli and i wanted 2 'fetch' her from the airport. We decided 2 meet @ the mrt b4 'fetching' her but....as usual, feli was late. Then we had 2 run from the mrt all the way to the airport bus terminal(very tiring!) to catch the shuttle bus 2 the budget terminal. When we arrived @ the budget terminal, chel had already arrived and instead, she was the one waiting 4 us. My 1st impression of her was: wow, u've grown prettier! Her hair had grown longer and striaghter and she was wearing the clothes that she would not wear in the past. However, my 2nd impresson was: actually u did not change much. The wallet, handphone, spectacles,etc was still the same! Even her behaviour did not change. Unbelieveable! After waving goodbye 2 her parents and brother, we headed 2 my house(which she had not been 2 yet) 2 play some games and meanwhile 2 wait 4 the latecomer, weilin. We also had dinner in my hs and rachel updated us with her life in UK. It was really nice 2 have her back! 2wards 8pm @ nite, we went 2 the mrt 2 pick our latecomer, lin, haiyo always late 1 (but i wont blame her, who ask her jc lifestyle so hectic). She played with us so wii b4 my dad fetched chel back(i had comm. skills presentation the next day). And that's all 4 the 1st day that we had her...i will update the photos and the other days spent 2gether later on...