I Don't Know What Happened

Do you remember just a few posts ago, I was so excited about spending time with Chel? Now, the situation has undergone a 180 degrees (not 360 whereby we are back to square one but totally opposite turn) turn. Recently, after spending so much time convincing my parents to go UK, they finally allowed and was exactly the period where Chel was free or the time she gave me when she would be free. Not only that, I finally convinced my parents to let me overstay in Chel's house for up to a week as Chel said that she had prepared room for us if we went to UK to visit her. I was extremely and tremendously excited about it.

But, that's when the drama started. She seemed cold when I told her my parents allowed me to stayed in her Hs and said that she have to wait for her mum's response. I was cool with that though. Then abt a week later, she told me that as her bro was having exams soon, I could only stay for the max 3 days and could not stay in her house during the day and had to go Birmingham by bus on my own... Although i was disappointed (it was my very 1st time in Europe and I wanted to explore as much as possible, even if it's on my own), I eventually accepted it and lied to her that everything was booked as my dad could book anytime since he is so busy and I was afraid of her changing her mind. Indeed, a few days later, she blasted me by saying that I could no longer stay in her Hs anymore and that she would buy a train ticket to London to find me instead. While reading her email,I was extremely disappointed and was on the verge of crying. This means that all she had said in the past are lies? Furthermore, had I dad really booked the trip, I have to pay an additional penalty to change my flight back to the original flight that my family are on. It suck you know! Despite that zillion disappointment tat she has caused me I was thinking that at least she is still willing to meet me in UK. At last, a few days before my Europe trip, she emailed me again, this time saying that she could not meet in UK and did not buy that train ticket to London as she was alr going to Sg the next few months, despite me sending our itinerary to her upon her request so that's he could choose the day. I was thinking, if Feli had not been there when I received the email (I had pride, I did not want Feli to see me as a loser whom others did not care much about), I would have broken down in tears. Furthermore, I had to break the news to parents who totally disliked her and looking down on me sometimes for making the wrong friend. I HAVE PRIDE TOO!!! Each time such a news came up from her,I have to report to my parents and it sucks to keep defending her, it's like losing my pride and confidence each time such shitty situation happens. It really sucks.

Feli was the only one who I could confide to and was kind enough to make me feel better by offering to talk to Chel. Indeed, they really talked about it (even though I'm not too sure abt the contents), and Feli told me that Chel really had some reasons for doing so, even though some of them are selfish personal ones. Towards the end, it seems like Chel will contact me directly to explain to me abt it. Thus, I waited and waited, even when I was in UK I still waited. It seems like Chel didn't even intend to fix this shitty situation up even though Feli had convinced me to have an understanding heart (and I really did).

It feels so disheartening and painful (almost as bad as when my grandma passed away on my bday). It sucks to know that I have trusted the wrong person. Despite me sacrificing so much for her (my results, my precious time, my hard-earned money, etc), she does not give a damn about me!!! Sucks to the max!!! I've trusted the wrong person all the while!!! The cushion that I once thought I had was disguised with thorns that could hurt me just as easily as a simple sentence from her. I explained this to Feli and she totally feel for me, and I did the right thing by pulling away.

People might think that I'm petty just bcos she did not want to meet me. But it's not just it, it's about giving empty promises, and just not givin a damn abt me despite how pathetic I look like when I replied her. I've officially lost my pride and confidence with her. The more the expectation, the more the disappointment when the situation does not go in ur way. I feel tat I have f****** wasted my time on her!!!

Now I wonder, if this had not happen, how long more am I gonna be blinded my her? Is it just me or did she intend to treat the rest like that? What would happen if Lin or Feli are the ones going UK instead? What should I do?

This question have been lingering in my mind the whole time, but do I want to hear the ans? I don't know... As of now, I'm really heartbroken.

Lucky!!!

The past few week have been quite tough for my family and I, Lucky was injured (some spinal injuries). Poor Lucky have to stay in the hospital for several days or weeks. I'm sure he misses home (and Lexie and their kids)alot. Sometimes i feel so helpless, other than to comfort and assist him, there's nothing important that i can help him. How to relieve his pain?! Everyday @ home, i feel so dull, everyday i would be missing him so badly, why is he not at home, at my bed? Why is he all alone? Even though him staying at the vet will help him physically but i don't know whether it will damage him emotionally. Now, we are still waiting for the CT scan and Milogram. Hope his condition is not too severe that a surgery is required. (FYI, total expenses including surgery will be about $7000-$14000!!!) Insane!!!!

Talking bout life on national day

It has been almost a year since i have blogged here, have transfer my thoughts on twitter instead. But there i some things i simply cant post on twitter. Another year have passed and life dosent seems 2 change much 4 me other than the birth on my 2 puppies, lolli n lola! After a year, still no love. Haix... but it dosent matter, if i were 2 invest in a really good one, 1 will be enough! Btw, 2dae is national day! Happy Birthday Singapore!Boring day for me though, had 2 stay @ home. Didnt plan programs, did a whole lot of useless stuff. Cant wait 2 go shopping with feli on wed. Which means 2mr is a studying day 4 me since final exams r coming. Hopefully can earn scholarship since i did quite well for this sem(other than MBS, the idiotic sub). Would really like to study overseas, especially in UK or AUS. Gonna have 2 start working soon. Bank's running low. Gonna do alot of shopping n gonna watch lots of movie muhaha. Niwaes, dad is @ the casino n has been thr 4 almost 12 hrs whole big bro's out with his friends (so envious)! My only pleasure nowadays r playing with my puppies! They are so CUTE( have posted the photos on facebook)!!! That's it!

Gilles Simon winning Thailand PTT Open

The open was in Asia and i had promised myself that if Simon reached the semis, i would fly to Thailand to hopefully watch his last 2 matches. The inaugural Malaysian Open clashed with the Thailand Open, therefore i was glad that the Thailand Open was still broadcasted on starsports. Didn't know why, but i will become very nervous whenever i watch Simon playing. Simon breezed thru the 2nd round match but was caught down on the quarterfinals as signs of is tendonities was beginning to appear. However, through determination, he still managed to emerge as the victor. He was then thru to the semis. Dad was @ home when i was watching Simon's 'live' quarterfinal round. I then begged him to let me fly to Thailand the next day, with my big brother tagging along. However, no matter how hard i tried to persuade, i was still disabled the chance to watch Simon lift the cup. It was too last min but dad agreed that he will consider the next year. Simon's semis opponent was Jurgen Melzer, the one who has the upper hand of a 3-2 record against Simon. Worst still, Simon was still suffering from tendonities. The match caused the nerve of me. I was anticipating for the match throughout the whole afternoon and the odds(online) of Simon winning was slimmer than Melzer's( w.t.h!!!). Surprisingly, during his semis, Simon didn't face much difficulty against Melzer and showed no signs of the injury from tendonities. Best of all, he showed good sportsmanship even he lose a point or even faced bad judgements of line calls. That was it, it breezed thru to hisfinals with a score of 6-3 7-6. His final round opponent would then be Viktor Troicki, the 4th seed who caused a major upset by defeating the no.1 seed , Jo-Wilfred Tsonga a.k.a JWT. Thank god Simon has a 1-0 record match against Troicki. So the finals was on a sunday aftnn with Simon playing against the in-form Troicki. Simon played very well in the finals as he took the 1st set 7-5. Early in the 2nd set, Simon was down 2-0. However, thru his determination to run every ball down, Simon broke back as he took the next 4 games. Simon put loads of pressure on Troicki, causing Troicki with loads of unforced errors, leaving Simon with 3 championship points. Simon would win the next point and claimed the title! Well done Simon! Celine was shouting and screaming in front of the tv like a mad woman. But, Celine had 2 now treat her 2 bros aston as promised. However, the main issue was Simon claiming his 1st title of the year! Like what Simon said, though it came in the end, but it's never too late and better than none. Bravo!!!!!!!!!! Congrats!!!!!!!!!!! Cveline's love for Simo has only increased.(puke! but it's true. hahaha)

1 day before chel left

Rachel's arrival in Singapore was, to me, @ the wrong period of time. It was during the period of our poly exams. Therefore, we were only able to spend time with her on weekends. We tried to make the best use of time that we had with her. Indeed, we went to many places during her presence but if only she could come before or after the exams, we would have more time as i was willing to skip lessons to spend time with her. The day before she left was the last day of my exams(thank god i still had time). After the paper, i immediately left the exam hall n rush to meet feli in school before rushing to meet chel @ mrt. Lin was to meet us after her school ends. After lunching 2gether, we went on to dhoby gaut to take neoprints and play sum arcade games. At around 5, we scheduled to meet lin. Just then, feeling that the time isn't enough, feli and sling asked chel if she could stay over @ sling's hs 4 e 'last' time. Chel called her mum and surprisingly, her mum allowed. Feli too then asked her mum 4 permission and surpringly, was allowed to stay over. Chel, feli and sling then went over to feli's hs to get her clothes and most importantly, the scrap book(secretly without letting chel know). We then rushed to parkway to meet lin. Though we were severly late, but lin wasnt furious(i guess, from her looks). We had dinner together before printing the fotos that we've took with chel for the past few days. After choosing the fotos, we then went to mini bits to choose a friendship ring that only we 4 had( to replace the friendship band). Then, we went to swensens to have ice-cream using lin's coupon. While eating, we were snapping fotos away, cherishing the moments we have left before chel returns to her country. We left swensens after it was time to collect our fotos. After letting lin see the fotos, we took a taxi to my hs as lin walked home. After reaching home, we did our normal routine, to watch the tv before playing wii. However, this time was slightly different as while one of us(feli and i) was accompanying chel, the other had to make an excuse to complete the scrap book. It was tough though. As there was so much to do with so little time, feli and i had to even stay up after chel slept. We even had to wake up early the next morning to complete it. If i'm not wrong, i only managed to cough out about 3hrs of slp only. Tiring, but i will remember the nite 4eva. I couldnt sleep that nite. Chel and i chatted for very long in the wee hours. It was clear that we would miss each other. In my heart, i was not looking forward to the next day. Didnt want to let the nite pass. All i could do was to continue chatting with her till i fall asleep...

My emotions and learning of the truth of my paternal grandmother's death

It took me alot of courage to blog this entry. Everything that i am going to blog now is about my genuine feelings about the death of my paternal grandmother's death and was undisclosed thus far. I am a very selfish person, a few days before my birthday, i was using every wish that i am entitled to to wish that my mama lelo does not pass away on my birthday. To me, birthdays are always an important occasion such that i would celebrate it every year. I did not want my birthday to clash with my grandmother's death anniversary as i would know that my birthday would become invalid. I would perhaps not celebrate my birthday anymore... ... ... ... ... ...
My family and i arrived @ mama's pasir ris home early to receive mama from the hospital. Some of the relatives were already there waiting too. The atmosphere was terrible. Everyone was glooming, sad, exhausted, fearful. An atmosphere that i never enjoyed and would not want to anymore. Mama finally came as most of us rushed to her room. We were only allowed in the room for awhile as we had to keep the room 'air-free'. While idling, gong-gong asked his grandchildren(us) to fix a lamp and his children to hang something. Uncle Danny(my 3rd-uncle) helped to hang while he stood on a stool to reach out. Just then, slanting too much, he became off-balance and slipped. His forehead knocked a chair nearby. He suffered from abrasion on his forehead and had 2 go to the hospital. Maybe, that was a signal that mama-lelo might not make it. But @ that time, i still believed that she will pull thru as i've been told that she still had a month to live. We left early that evening(abt 8pm) as dad said 'we should have a birthday dinner for celine as we might not have time 2moro.' PS: a dinner that was never regarded as a birthday dinner to me... ... ... ... ...
The night had passed and it was the day of my birthday. 'The' call that i might have anticipated did not arrive, so i assumed that mama lelo pulled thru. That morning, i was still enjoying my coffee and tv programs and thinking of where 2 have fun with my friends, not knowing wat had happened. Suddenly, i received a call from my maternal grandmother asking whether i had visited mama lelo. I told her we were going to visit her tat night and celebrate my birthday. I could tell that she was shocked as she continued, "u noe ur mama die already?". My tears rolled down immediately as i slammed the phone, shout out for my maid and started calling my mother. "mummy, mama lelo pass away already(still sobbing) u know or not?" She replied "yes". Jus then my maid came in and seemed to be shocked that i knew the truth. I slammed the phone again as she continued explaining, "Celine, who tell you 1? Ma'am say tonight then tell u. Today is your birthday, ma'am wan u to enjoy 1st" Of course the typical celine would then lock herself in her room as she called for her best friends weilin and felicia. While waiting for her best friends, celine was crying bitterly. The maid was worried, the maternal grandmother(mama) was worried, the mother was worried, so was the brother(older). Feeling guilty that she told celine the truth beforehand, mama kept calling wanting to apologise but celine jus wouldnt answer or unlock the door. All she wanted to do was cry. Unexpectedly, the mother comes home, worried about the daughter. she explained, " Mama lelo passed away this morning. we did not want to let u know the truth bcoz ur brother(older) wanted u to have a happy birthday". We were all weeping. Jus then, felicia arrived and we went bac to my room. I continued crying, feeling guilty that were every1 is enduring the truth, i was enjoying my coffee. Later, lin came. Though with my best friends, i managed to calm down, it was tough. I never told this to any1 before, in my heart, i felt as though i was a jinx for mama lelo to pass away on my birthday. I knew every1 was hurting but all i could do was to 'act' brave to @ least take away the guilt they felt towards me... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
I would like to thank Felicia Lee and Ong weilin for that support that they've given me on that day. I really appreciate it and if it was not for them, i might suffer from depression. Thank you very very much!

Steven Gerrad, My autobiography

To me, reading this book is such an inspiration. It shows me the patriotism in Steven Gerrad. Since young, Steven Gerrad have been madly in love with soccer and most importantly, Liverpool Football Club(LFC). The death of his cousin due 2 an incident associated to the club did not stop Stevie G from his passion for soccer. Even when he knew he might get a toe amputated, he never gave up. Instead, his passion grew stronger each time. Finally, he was accepted @ the academy as a junior. He tried very hard and even made sacrification in order to to get to the 1st team. Though his best friend in the academy, Michael Owen, gt accepted, he never gave up. Soon, Stevie G was finally accepted 2 play as seniors. His potential was even noticed by 1st team. After trying for so hard, the manager then promoted stevie 2 the 1st team. Though he wasnt allowed 2 play a game 4 the club yet, but he was already contented(but of course wanted more). Stevie was doted by his seniors as they gave him advices and of course willing to practise with him. Eventually, he was able to be on the 1st team with his seniors and was highly rated by the club's manager, coach and seniors. Other big clubs like man.u and chelsea even wanted 'buy' him. However, the patriotism tat he had for the club was too strong for him 2 even consider switching clubs. Soon, the played for the club as a substitute and was even given nods of appraisals. He was then called for national duties to play for England. Stevie G was of course delighted! He wanted to prove badly tat he was worth the spot the England team. While mixing with the england lads, stevie was very popular. Most of the lads tat were nt from Liverpool were convincing Stevie to join their football club but mostly to no avail. Stevie was improving each time, but LFC was not. Finally, the lack of trophy caused him to consider about his future in LFC. It was then when LFC's abilities was stretched. With a 'must-win' mentality, Stevie along with the other LFC's lad led LFC to their win or the FA cup, etc(2 other but dun remember) all within the same season. LFC was brought to 'life' by these lads. What were they looking for now? The Champions League Trophy. Though being looked down as a club, the LFC's lads worked extremely hard for the spot in the finals. By then, Stevie G was the captain for the club. They were matched up against AC Milan Football Club away from home. Liverpool was 3-0 down during half-time. Most of the lads were already demoralised during the break. However, the captain, along with some LFC staffs did not gave up. Instead, they encouraged the team to buck, the game was not over yet. The dream tat all Liverpool supporters, staffs, legends and players ain't going to die down yet. The liverpool supporters tat were present @ the match had not given up hope yet. All the encouragement was like a potion to players as they braced up and bounced back into the match. Soon, Stevie G scored their 1st goal and was narrowed down to 3-1 down. This goal provided much motivation to the rest to do better. As the match continues, the 2nd goal came rolling in. As the final whistle was nearing, the Liverpool players gave all they can and earned a penalty kick which delivered by Xabi Alonso. Indeed, the 3rd goal was scored and Liverpool 'survived' with a 2nd chance to win the battle. It was then down to the penalties to determine the winning side. Even so, the motivation was too high as compared to the Milan side. Pepe Reina saved a couple of goals and it was down to Finnan's kick to give Liverpool the trophy. Finnan produced an untouchable kick and gave the merseyside the win. All hell's broke out as every1 associated to LFC went berserk. In was the club's 5th club but it was the 1st in 5 years. The victory meant so much to Stevie G as he lifted the trophy. The sweat, blood, hardwork, everything that he have worked for have finally paid off...
Even now, other clubs like Real Madrid, Man.U, Chelsea and Man.city are still after him but are aware that it is impossible for Stevie G to shake. Even money is unable to lure him away. Stevie G is a very much respected player all around the world. His patrioticsm for the club is commendable. He also hope that is able to serve the club throughtout the rest of his life. I wish the best of luck to him and his family!